Monday, November 24, 2008

Saturday morning. There is something special about Saturday mornings, I can't quite put my finger on it. I really love the top image of Mel, I feel it is honest.

It was Mel's birthday this weekend.
We had a little party last night and I'll post those images some other time because it's 2am and I have a million things to do tomorrow morning before I leave to CA for Thanksgiving.
Man, it has been a truly rough week for me. I've been stressed for various reasons, the biggest was the loss of my job which spiraled into becoming sick, irritated and moody. Poor Max is getting the butt end of this all, I have been short with him because he has been annoying the crap out of me and all I have the energy to do is get mad at him and yet the sweetheart is still by my side (literally as I type these words he is asleep with his head on my lap)... what a beautiful creature... to be neglected, yelled at, and mis-understood by his owner and all he wants to do, time and time again is to give and receive love.
I hope and pray that this weekend away with the family will be energizing and not draining. I can't wait to be with my 3 little besties all at once. I can't believe how much love I have for them, how blessed I am.
Well, although things have been difficult and I feel like a chapter in my life has closed much sooner than I would have liked I feel like this is a time for growth. Life can be difficult, confusing, unfair, lonely and hurtful but the one thing that keeps me going is HOPE. I am not yet sure what I should be learning from all of this but I feel like it will be worth it in the end.

I guess I am back to my late-night self now that I don't have a 9 to 5. To be honest I love this time of night. I feel like the rest of the world around me is asleep and I am alone with my thoughts which have lost its evil and constricting censor. I find my ideas at this time of night brilliant and free of normalcy but sadly when I wake the next day and reflect on the previous evenings thoughts I find them to be quite silly and dull. I wonder what it is that makes all of this so magical at night. Even now I feel like I have connected with some deeper chamber inside myself and feel enlightened to be in its presence, but when I read this in the morning I will most likely be embarrassed and want to erase it all and write some funny bit in its place. We will see.

4 comments:

Erin Alberty said...

No, don't erase it! I mean, don't get me wrong, I feel the same way. No journal of mine has ever survived more than a month because I read back in the light of day and decide I must destroy it in case I should die, and the world will think the silliness on the page is all that I am.

But really, an after-midnight reflection on the loss of your job and not knowing where life is going, but you have Max and Thanksgiving ... that will be a beautiful autumn memory for you in a few years. And the rest of is think it's beautiful right now because it's sincere, and that means we are not alone.

Thanks for writing such a human blog with your gorgeous pictures.

--Erin

See today's Utah discovery at http://www.findingslc.com.

Emily Jeanne said...

I know what you mean about a certain time of night becoming magic and thoughtful! I love reading your blog because it inspires me to be more open and honest when I am writing. Your blog does feel like a journal and I think it takes a great person to allow anyone and everyone to read 'their journal'. Thanks for being awesome!

Jendar said...

im glad to hear that despite everything you are going through, you still have hope. i know wonderful things are coming your way.

p.s. i heard you are coming to nyc soon? i hope to see you. xo

Kimmy said...

I agree, don't erase it. My blog is know for probably being TOO OPEN...but I don't care. I feel like lifes to short to not say the things you really feel. People NEED to hear those things and not just surface stuff.

I admire you and love you. And I know that Max understands and thats why God sent him to you. Don't be too hard on yourself...sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. (like me) Your lovely in everyway!