Thursday, January 15, 2009


A Wonderful Distraction: My nephew Oliver was here for the past four days and I was able to play mommy with him during the daytime. We had some serious adventures, we went to "Fat Kitty-Cats" to bowl, there were 7 balls stuck in the gutter by the end of the game but he won. We stared at rotten animal carcases at the Bean Museum, we ate chicken nuggets, golfed at a run down mini-golf course while melting snow dripped on our heads through the roof, bought guns and shot suctioned-darts at the window until we tired of it. We drank apple juice from the box and munched on cookies while watching Disney movies, Oliver would laugh and then I would laugh because he was. Each evening I would start to count down the minutes when I could drop him off at my moms so I could have some time to myself but the second I did I began to miss him so bad it hurt.
Nick and Oliver drove home today. I will ignore that piece of reality for a bit longer.

So... I am getting closer to the edge of insanity. I hoped to have found my purpose by now but I feel more lost than I was a month and a half ago. Like today I had an epiphany I wanted to start my own business selling cutesy cupcakes and then remembered that yesterday I had an epiphany about becoming a children's book writer and the day before yesterday I wanted to open a dog shelter for unwanted puppies who would otherwise be put to sleep. I feel like because there are a million and one options and paths I could do anything, but because of that mindset I find myself at a stand still. Still wondering what to do... where to go and how to get there.

I am going to take a step soon. I promise. It will be scary and once I do I will need to put all of my energy into it until it becomes the "right" thing for me to be doing.


Salime said...

In that movie 'doubt' the priest says that "even when you are lost, you are not alone" haha... and it is true, you are not alone Jess... I want to work again... but I don't want to leave little Jimmy either, so my mind is going a thousand miles with ideas of what to do... guess what? cutesy cupcake idea is one (after my trip to Utah and Tucson does not have anything like it), and children's book is another one... haha... and why not? something... I will too do something... they also say that the greatest inventions came out of need and desperation... you are not alone Jess. But remember, you do have a talent that you love and everyone else does too... photography... You can make wonders with it.


Hillary said...

Oliver had so much fun with you! You are truly world's best aunt. I guess that Oliver told Nick that he wanted to go back to Utah at intervals the whole way home. Love you!

Michael said...

I love you jess...thanks for being my friends! (yes I love all of your multiple personalities!) <3