Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Contest with myself

 I like contests and I like betting.  There is a thrill to it you can't get anywhere else.  Sometimes I have my own contests.  Like a few years back while in NY I tallied the times I saw a rat in the streets, last summer I tallied popped collars while on vacation, I had everyone with me spotting them, it was great.  In my old work meeting I would tally all the sexual innuendos my boss would make without ever noticing.  I've tallied how many times a nervous speakers in church would say "um" and the times a friend would say "like" in a conversation.  It keeps things interesting.

Today I had a contest with myself, I wanted to see how many tallies I could get from men that said I was beautiful.  I started doing this after the third time it happened.  At first I was annoyed with the comments,  but once I started my game It was fun, all I needed to do was keep a slight smile on my face and hold eye contact for longer than 3 seconds, half of the time they would come out of nowhere and surprise me.

So, I only got 8 marks but that was pretty good for walking around for 2 hours. 

Here are the best lines I got.

"I just gotta tell you you are very beautiful, mmm hmmm"

same guy called from across he street after I crossed and said, "you are gonna be my wife, you know dat."

here's another

"Hey pretty hair, I know where you work, I will give you two weeks to break up with your boyfriend then I am gonna come and find you.  You've got two weeks."    (Two weeks...Two weeks... if anyone knows that movie ref you get a dollar)

One guy stopped me to tell me how beautiful I was and my eyes were nice and that he would give me a free taxi ride around the city..."  I said no and I that I was on my way and as I left he said "well let me just admire you while you walk away."  

Ha ha ha.  Before any of you think this is the place to meet men, every single one of these guys was either in their 40s or 50s and missing at least one tooth.  I am now realizing I must seem like a horrible person but I am not.  Just trying to find a little humor in otherwise painful situations and encounters... that's all.

here are some awesome lines for you to keep...

- was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world
-are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart
- let's make like fabric softener and snuggle 

Okay, sorry, I am done now.

5 comments:

Gheybin said...

Two weeks....
The Money Pit?

p.s. I really like your blog, Jessica.

Alisha said...

hilarious. man, i miss the east coast.

Anonymous said...

Total Recall.

Tom and B said...

haha, that's awesome Jess! I'm going to start counting the boss comments to continue the game. I need something to keep me awake in meetings

The Queen said...

you are hilarious.