Thursday, July 29, 2010

DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH

A TRUE STORY


Today is Thursday, I used to look forward to Thursdays because Thursday is Thai day and Thai day gets me out of bed on Thursday mornings... I like Thai food.
Did like Thai food.

Er... why are the good things in life so often tainted by the ugly?

Let me tell you the story of today. Thursdays we order Thai to the office, we all sit around a table stuffing our happy faces with goodness until we feel sick and sleepy.  This afternoon Jana comes back from picking up our food carrying the giant white bags of curry, pad thai and rice.  She plops the bags onto the table and we all come running.  Names are written on the top of each cellophane box and out of the bag comes a box with my name written boldly on it, "Jessica".  I quickly and selfishly grab and open my box, a fluffy white mountain rice is before me and I drown it with the entire contents of my yellow curry.  For some reason I get a strange feeling (I usually do right before something bad happens) I felt as if I was going to come across something unpleasant, a chewy bit of chicken maybe, I guess the wildest parts of my imagination could have never thought up what was really going to be discovered.  I went against my better judgement and I take a few bites, things were good, tastes fine to me.  Then I see a little speck of black, I hone in, it is what I suspected, a black hair...  I pause for a second then decide tug at the hair, I pull it slowly from the once lusted after yellow curry and it seems to never end, I expect the hair to end the way it started, just a hair, but this hair brought with it a companion and out pops an object.
This object was nothing other than soft, slimy band-aid, you know, the cotton and nylon strap that covers oozing wounds and infected portions of your body.  I walked away from the crime scene for a moment in horror then return to make sure everyone else who is eating the curry stops what they are doing. We laughed and shrieked and swore for a while, it was equally humorous and horrifying.

You see, the funny part of this story is that 3 days ago I get a random text from my brother suggesting to me that I start taking photos of the gross things I find in my food and publish a book about it later on.  He text me that because I have been know to find the most vile things in my meals.  I am tellin' ya,  I am the one in a room of a thousand people who will find the one hair or bug every time.  Flies, worms, hair, short curly dark hair, glass, plastic, chewed gum (yes, gum on my plate that was served to me), more bugs, mystery floaties, you name it, I have nearly eaten in.

Any way today was gross and I pray this will be the worst of it.

All I know is the next time I order from this place (which will not happen) I will make sure to ask for the band-aids on the side.

12 comments:

Emily said...

Wow, that is so disgusting. Probably one of the worst "found in my food" stories to date. Gross. Gross.

Kiera said...

horrendous. completely and utterly nauseating.

Amy said...

dry heaving right now, and I already knew it was band aid.

LOVE the book idea, although I think it would make me STOP eating out.

Jason Timpson said...

This is like a bad dream.

Cyrie said...

that is the sickest thing ever. did you make a complaint with the restaurant? glad you have a sense of humor about it. i had a roach in a meal i ate in NYC!

KaSs MiLeS said...

hi i blog stalk you...
one time i downed an entire chocolate shake and at the very bottom, low and behold, a big chunk of gissly meat. i threw up. ew.

Claire Valene Bagley said...

gag gag gag gag gaaaaaaaaaaaaag.

Salime said...

haha, im sorry jess, it is too funny... and disgusting yes. i do not have a weak stomach (i can eat fried worms for fun hehe), but this photo makes me gag. hair? yes, hair is considered gross by most... but the band-aid... wow... that i truly find utterly disgusting. i think the only really gross meal i've had was at kentucky fried chicken. a dead fly in my mashed potatoes, and another fly fried and breaded in the chicken extra crispy crust. both in the same meal.

Derek said...

I should not have read this. Ugh.

Falling back asleep is going to be impossible!

Anonymous said...

Litigate.....
Love dad

In His Care said...

I hope I do not buy from the restaurant which your food came from. So good you found it when you did.

Casey&Mal said...

I am just the same! I am the one who ALWAYS finds things in my food...although, never found chewed gum or a band aid...OMG!
Sooo gross! Please email me the name of the restaurant so I never go there!!!! Please!